words are beautiful but restricted.
I do this thing where I’ll be in a good mood and decide I want to hang out with someone and so I’ll make plans to see them in a few hours, or the next day. then, usually in about 20 minutes, the good mood wears off and I realize how stupid it was to make plans with someone and how much I actually don’t want to see them or hang out with them, but being the socially awkward person that I am, I don’t cancel the plans because I am too shy and awkward to tell someone that I’m canceling our plans for fear of their response being something negative. so I go and hang out with them even though I’m dreading the whole experience. and it sucks, and I realize I should never makes plans when I’m temporarily in a good mood.
I like people who see beauty in the middle of a crowded place and stop to take a picture not caring if they get weird looks from strangers. Those strangers being people who don’t understand what is so beautiful about a single blade of grass growing through the cracks in the cement.
20 days till I move back home to California.
I can’t wait. these 20 days need to speed by. I just want to go home.
my thoughts as i scroll through my news feed on facebook:
“you’re so annoying”
“you’re so lame”
“you seriously need a life”
“you are so ugly”
“holy crap you’re ugly”
“keep posting about how pathetic your life is, please…not.”
“how the fuck do YOU have a boyfriend?”
“omg you are so annoying”
“how the fuck do I even know you?”
“why do you exist?”
“aw you’re so alone and sad and desperate for a boyfriend? yeah posting about it every single day is a great way to get a boyfriend! dumbass.”
“okay, this is the 5th time today you’ve posted about your baby.. delete”
“wow they got married?”
“AND had a baby?”
“the had a baby too??”
“she had a baby too?? twins??”
“okay but you are the most annoying person ever”
“NO ONE CARES”
“you are pathetic”
“you suck”
“wow you got really fat since high school”
“you guys are still dating? probably because no one else would date either of your annoying asses”
“ugh just stop.”
I hate almost everyone.
There are a few stages when going from living together to a long distance relationship…
Stage 1- Denial. This generally happens the first few days you are separated from your lover… You don’t believe they are actually gone. You tell yourself lies such as “they just went grocery shopping…. for three days.” You wake up in the middle of the night and tell yourself, “They are just using the restroom, they will be back in bed any minute now.” But at the end of the day… those are all just lies and they will not be back any minute now.
Stage 2- I’m fine without you. This is the least painful stage of them all. This is the stage where you enjoy your alone time and realize you may not actually need or want them around 24/7. You finally get to do things by yourself. You can start going for longer runs, you can hang out in the candle section at target for as long as you want, you can read that book you’ve been meaning to read for the past 6 months, you don’t have to shave every few days, you don’t have to think about anyone’s feelings but your own. But this gets old. Seeing a movie by yourself is great! Until it’s the one that you and your lover have been dying to see since you first heard it was being made… and now you are seeing it without them. Getting dinner alone is great! But you will get a lot of stares from random people, and they will whisper about you, be aware. This stage generally only lasts a week at most.
Stage 3- Sadness. This is the worst of all the stages. This is when you realize that you miss that special someone so much you can’t stand it anymore. When you constantly think about them. When you wake up in the middle of the night and realize they aren’t asleep next to you and won’t be for a few months and you start crying. When every single little thing reminds you of them. This stage really fucking sucks. This stage you sleep in their sweater because it still has their scent. This stage you listen to love songs and watch romantic comedies hours on end. This stage you do anything you can to take your mind off them, but nothing works. This stage your willing to do anything to be able to kiss your lover again, all you want is a few minutes with them, a warm hug, a soft kiss, to be able to fall asleep in their arms. But reality always comes and slaps you in the face with that fact that that won’t happen for months.
Stage 4- The Countdown. This happens within the last few weeks spent apart. You start a countdown of when you will be re-united.You mark your planner, your calender at home, your calender at work, your calender on your phone, you make a Facebook event all for this date. You start planning adventure after adventure after adventure of all the great things you two will do together when you see each other again. Everything seems brighter, and the days go by easier.
Stage 5- Re-United. Finally. After months apart, experiencing all the stages of a long distance relationship, you and your lover are finally together again.
I’m currently experiencing Stage 3, and a little of Stage 4 (33 days).
