words are beautiful but restricted.

the mall reopens tomorrow.
I have to go in very early as usual.
I’m nervous, not because I’m nervous there will be another shooting or anything like that. I’m nervous to be there, to be in that place. my boss went into the store today to close everything down since it hadn’t happened tuesday. she said it was so eerie, the music in our store was still blasting, the back door alarm was blaring and there are two bullet holes in one of our walls. there were mannequins knocked over and stacks of clothing on the floor. this isn’t my work anymore, this isn’t the place I feel safe and creative anymore. my work is my second home, I’m there at least 43 hours every week if not more. and now I have no desire to go there. if I didn’t have to go, I wouldn’t. it’s going to be weird being in there. it will be interesting to see how many people will still come shopping at clackamas.

we’re not in kansas anymore.